How to avoid a power struggle with nervous piano students

Does this sound familiar? You ask a child to try a new section of their piano piece, and they freeze up, or get silly and wiggly, or worse, say no outright. You scold them for not following directions or for not paying attention, or perhaps you assume they don’t understand what to do and need remedial work. Before you know it, you’re caught up in a power struggle, you’re both frustrated, and any actual learning of the new piece has gone completely out the window.

What to do instead?

Inspired by a recent read-through of the parenting classic, “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk,” I’ve been experimenting with giving my students space to feel confused, worried, frustrated, and wiggly, and with giving them more freedom to guide their learning process. Some days work better than others, but overall, I’ve been blown away by the results.

In a lesson last week, Samantha and I were working on two new lines of Duke of York, in Piano Safari level 2. We’d gone over the right hand, and I felt she was ready to add the left hand in parallel motion. here’s how the conversation went:

Ms Valerie: OK, time to add the left hand!

Samantha: (face falls… no response)

Ms. Valerie: Oh no! You look a little worried! Is your LH feeling nervous?

Samantha: I want to do my right hand again

Ms. Valerie: OK, great idea! (points to line 3 to guide starting note)

Samantha: No, all four lines!

Ms. Valerie: even better, let’s do it!

She proceeded to play all four lines, right hand alone, fantastically. This was her first time going through the full piece.

Ms. Valerie: Wow, you did the whole thing! Now are you ready to add the left hand?

Samantha: (nods)

Ms. Valerie: Just the new part, or the whole song?

Samantha: all of it!

And then she played the whole song, hands together, self-correcting issues as she went along. We still got to the same end point I’d wanted us to arrive at- Samantha played the new section hands together and put it together with the previously learned lines. We just took a different route than the one I’d planned to get there.

By allowing space for Samantha to express her worries, and taking time for her to choose how to review and practice, I was able to avoid any frustration or power struggles, and helped her gain independence in the practice process. She left the lesson feeling confident, capable, and proud of conquering a scary new challenge.

Have you read “How to Talk…”? Teachers, how have you incorporated it into your teaching? Parents, how have you used it to support your student’s practice?